We're getting dressed for a casual coffee and we've changed our outfit four times because we're worried about what the other person will think.

We want to post something on social media but we delete it because we're afraid it's not good enough, not interesting enough, not perfect enough for public consumption.

We have an opinion in a group conversation but we stay quiet because we don't want to rock the boat or seem controversial.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we live our entire lives through the lens of other people's potential judgment?

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. We're all caught in this strange dance of seeking approval from people who barely know us, sometimes from complete strangers on the internet.

Watch our honest reflection about why we care so much about what people think and what this reveals about our relationship with ourselves:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaWEpxKVm08

Stop caring what people think

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0fTJdb4R7MQZ2p20BZYdIA

The Exhausting Performance

We know, logically, that most people are too busy thinking about themselves to spend much time judging us. We know that the people whose opinions actually matter will love us regardless. But knowing this and feeling it are two completely different things.

The fear of judgment has become so ingrained that we've forgotten what it feels like to just... be ourselves without constantly calculating how others will react.

It's exhausting, isn't it? This constant performance. This endless audition for approval from an audience that's mostly not even paying attention.

The Approval Addiction

Here's what's interesting: caring what people think isn't actually about them. It's about us. It's about our relationship with ourselves and whether we believe we're worthy of love and acceptance just as we are.

We're addicted to approval because we've been taught that our worth depends on what others think of us. But approval is like a drug — we need more and more of it to feel okay, and we're always one criticism away from a crash.

The problem isn't that people have opinions. The problem is that we've made their opinions more important than our own. We've handed over the power to determine our value to people who barely know us.

Why do we do this? Why do we give away our power so easily?

The Old Wounds We Carry

The fear of judgment usually isn't about the present moment — it's about old wounds. Maybe we were criticized as children. Maybe we were rejected for being different. Maybe we learned that love was conditional on being 'good enough.'

We carry these old stories into our adult lives, still trying to earn approval from people who remind us of those who withheld it from us before. We're still that child desperately trying to be good enough, smart enough, perfect enough to deserve love.

But those old stories don't have to run our lives today. We're not children anymore, and we don't need anyone's permission to exist as we are.

The Weight of Performance

Think about how much energy we spend on this performance. The mental gymnastics of trying to be acceptable to everyone. The exhausting calculation of every word, every outfit choice, every social media post.

What could we create with all that energy if we weren't spending it on worrying about judgment? What could we discover about ourselves if we weren't so busy being who we think others want us to be?

When We Forget to Worry

There's something beautiful about those rare moments when we forget to worry about what others think. When we're laughing so hard we snort, or dancing badly to our favorite song, or saying exactly what we mean without calculating the response.

In those moments, we remember what it feels like to just... exist. Without performance. Without apology. Without the exhausting mental gymnastics of trying to be acceptable to everyone.

Maybe that's what we're all searching for. Not the approval of others, but the approval of ourselves. Not permission from the world, but permission from our own hearts.

The Paradox of People-Pleasing

Here's something we've all noticed: the more we try to please everyone, the less authentic we become. And the less authentic we are, the less satisfied we feel with our relationships and our lives.

We end up attracting people who like our performance, not our authentic selves. We build relationships based on who we think we should be, not who we actually are.

And then we wonder why we feel so lonely, even when we're surrounded by people.

The Mirror of Judgment

It's interesting how we can spend so much energy trying to be loved by people who don't really know us, while being so harsh with the person who knows us best — ourselves.

We give strangers on the internet more power over our mood than we give our own inner voice. We trust the opinions of people who've never walked in our shoes more than we trust our own experience.

What would it feel like to be as kind to ourselves as we are to our best friends? What would change if we treated our own opinion of ourselves as sacred?

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

We tell ourselves that caring what people think makes us considerate, socially aware, empathetic. But there's a difference between healthy consideration for others and the toxic people-pleasing that leaves us exhausted and resentful.

Healthy consideration comes from choice. Toxic people-pleasing comes from fear.

Healthy consideration maintains our authenticity while being kind. Toxic people-pleasing requires us to hide who we really are.

Healthy consideration builds mutual respect. Toxic people-pleasing builds resentment and inauthentic relationships.

The Freedom We Glimpse

Sometimes we catch glimpses of what it might feel like to not care so much. Maybe it's in a moment of righteous anger when we finally speak up for ourselves. Maybe it's when we're so tired that we stop performing and just... are.

In those moments, we remember that our worth isn't determined by others' opinions. We remember that we're allowed to take up space, to have needs, to be imperfect and still deserving of love.

Those glimpses are precious. They remind us of who we are underneath all the performance.

The Questions That Matter

What if the people who judge us harshly are revealing more about themselves than about us? What if their criticism says more about their own insecurities than our worth?

What if the approval we're seeking from others is actually the approval we're withholding from ourselves?

What if we're enough, exactly as we are, right now, without changing a single thing to make others more comfortable?

The Collective Exhaustion

We're all tired, aren't we? Tired of the performance. Tired of the calculation. Tired of living our lives for an audience that's mostly not even watching.

We're tired of changing ourselves to fit into spaces that don't really want us. We're tired of shrinking to make others comfortable. We're tired of apologizing for existing.

Maybe this collective exhaustion is actually pointing us toward something important. Maybe it's our inner wisdom saying: there has to be another way.

The Courage to Be Disliked

There's something liberating about accepting that not everyone will like us. That some people will judge us no matter what we do. That we can't control their opinions, but we can control how much power we give those opinions.

What if being disliked by some people is actually a sign that we're being authentic? What if universal approval is impossible and trying to achieve it is making us miserable?

What if the people who matter will love us for who we really are, and the people who don't... were never really our people anyway?

The Internal Shift

We can't control what people think, but we can control how much power we give their thoughts. When we know who we are and we like who we are, other people's opinions become just... information. Interesting, maybe, but not determinative of our value.

This shift doesn't happen overnight. We've spent years, maybe decades, looking outside ourselves for validation. Learning to validate ourselves is like building a muscle — it takes practice and patience.

But what if we started treating our own opinion of ourselves as the most important one? What if we became our own best friend instead of our harshest critic?

The Ripple Effect

When we stop performing for others' approval, something interesting happens. We give other people permission to do the same. Our authenticity becomes an invitation for others to be authentic too.

We start attracting people who appreciate our real selves, not our performance. We build relationships based on genuine connection rather than mutual people-pleasing.

We become part of the solution instead of part of the problem.

The Beautiful Messiness

Maybe the goal isn't to stop caring what people think entirely. Maybe it's to care more about what we think of ourselves. Maybe it's to distinguish between the opinions that matter and the ones that don't.

Maybe it's to remember that we're all just humans, trying to figure it out as we go along. We're all insecure sometimes. We're all performing sometimes. We're all just doing our best with what we know.

A Moment of Reflection

Maybe we don't need to figure it all out right now. Maybe it's enough to notice. To wonder. To sit with these questions and see what comes up.

What would it feel like to wake up tomorrow and not worry about what anyone thinks of our choices? What would we do differently if we truly believed our worth wasn't up for debate?

What if we're already enough, exactly as we are?

These aren't questions that need immediate answers. They're invitations to think, to feel, to explore what it might mean to live more authentically.

The Journey Continues

We're all on this journey together, trying to figure out how to be human in a world that often feels like it's judging our every move. Some days we'll care too much about what others think. Some days we'll remember our own worth.

Both are okay. Both are part of being human.

Maybe the goal isn't perfection. Maybe it's just... awareness. Compassion for ourselves as we navigate this strange dance of seeking approval while longing to be authentic.

Maybe it's enough to notice when we're performing and gently ask ourselves: what would it feel like to just be me right now?

What comes up for you when you think about these questions? We'd love to hear your reflections in the comments below.

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